I’m so not in the mood today. I don’t know what’s wrong but the day starts off beautifully… at least..I think so. Nice weather, waking up early, delicious breakfast, roll back into bed, wake up late in the afternoon, take bath, watch tv, streaming the internet without any particular motif. Its been the same routine for almost 3 weeks, well of course in between that I have my day out.
I guess I’m just bored and my semester break plan ended up in total mess. Lucky, the semester break had almost end. I’m gonna drive myself crazy if my life continue like this. Well, I can’t blame anyone either and it looks like somehow it is my fault. I quit my job just for the sake that I’m not happy with it. Well, they may call I’m stupid but somehow I don’t see any wrong in that. It’s me whose been working out my butt!! So I have every right to decide on what to do…whether to go forward or pulling it off. Why did you want to keep on working on something that turn you miserable? Sigh….why did everyone keep getting in my way……
I wanna take on other job after resigning but then say hi to another setback. I can’t or may I say I’m being indirectly force not to take other job… and so that’s why I’m spending my semester break like an old hag. This drawback kinda life had finally taking a toll on me. Gosh…what’s wrong with me?
I guess I’m not just bored but I’m frustrated as well. But, of what?
Frustration do not lingered only just for one time insignificant annoyance. Inversely it is being drag and build up through all the accumulated miff you had experience all your life.
It might sound like repentance but it doesn’t mean that I’m regretting my life. No, I had a good life. It’s just that I had a few regrets. Sometimes I can’t help pondering how things can be now if I’ve done everything my way, my wish. Why did I have to satisfy everyone? Why did I always held back?
I guess now it’s not just cause by boredom , and not just frustrated either but I’m sick of listening to others. I’m sick of hearing the word..don’t do that, do this instead….no, that’s wrong ..u should be..or whatever it is. Soon, after taking up this advice from this self-proclaim altruists we gonna realize that what we had expect at the age o 19 might not turn out the way they claim it should be when we reached 29. Only then you realize that you already stuck in this sticky situation.
What is there about this altruism thing..? Am I turning out to be one? Hope not. Gosh…and I guess they won’t tell the same thing if it’s their life which is at stake. And now when I’m almost entangled by listening to them and I wonder how on earth would they react if they know? Applauding? The words still ring freshly and now I can hear the applaud loudly…
Shoot me…my ears hurting…can’t stand the sound anymore….
I’m getting crazier day by day…atypical depression...juz dun ask why..??!! The symptom is there - excessive mood positivity, weight gain, increased in appetite, hypersomnia, sensation of heaviness in limbs (lazy)...haha..juz waiting for social impairment to occur..sigh......
Need to lead more purposeful life in future than maybe I’ll be happier…
