A trust misplaced...

Many times in my life have i ended up wrongly trusting people which in one or two incident have caused more than just the feeling of trust being betrayed. (Maybe its just one of my many failings, i'm only human/devil rite?) The world taught me that trusting only oneself is the safest way, however if i do open up, i place my trust entirely on that person. This is because, i believe that deep down, everyone is a good and trust worthy person. Thus, if i show a certain level of trust to someone, i expect to be be returned with the same level of trust.

Most of the time, my trust is well placed. However, in this case, i made the same mistake again. (will i never learn? Arghh!!!). Surely, it needs a certain amount of time for me to admit it as this time, it was with one of my best friend XX. This person is one of my earliest best friends which I treasured the most. We have a very long story with each other and most of it is a sad one (all the mishap exp by her n me by dat time). We had never quarrel, I guess its because she is too dignfied and I'm being too soft. Even if a hundred years had gone by without any contact she will stay close at my heart as one of my loved one.

I noe that distance and both our hectic lifestyle seperate us but still did'nt we make a promise to contact and see each other on regular basis?..and I still hold the promise strong to myself..and I expect her to do so

The few three years of separation we kept updating each other  on regular basis..
As time past by, one phone call in several months were so hard to get..
So everytime I'll be the one calling..seeing her at her place...getting her to went out..
And each effort I took make me sounds like an idiot...
But still I tried to tolerate and sugar coat my sour feeling that start to develop..
Ive guess Im just tired of waiting..
So this raya  I go as far as ignoring her 3 time phone call..(usually it will be me callin)
Still I felt so terribly in guilt and after several days I tried to get her on the line so many times..
....sadly...she didnt pick up....too busy to notice my call I guess..
 I dont blame her tho....nevermind...there is still next time...(biting the dissapoinment..haiisshh(-_-)!!)

So what I really learn is..we dont always get back what we harvest..

In this place..the trust..

Nevermind tho...maybe this is wat I got for broken the promise I make with others..

As a human I do break promise ...in fact..a lot of promises...

Like today.....I was campaigning on my loads of assignment..
So I excused myself & did'nt do the cleaning after people went back (raye visit)
Instead of cleaning up..I go and do the assignment....ahaha..no la...I was playing game at my room
So when I see my father cleaning up (the kitchen & dining room were spotless..hehe)
I felt so horrible & promise myself to complete my assignment by today  to be more available for my family..

( my father should'nt put his blind faith on me...he shud hv noe my character but still spare me...Lurve him very2 much...one of the best father one can have.... (^.^)>..heheehe)

Still...I havent start a word on it yet..
See...once again the trust both my father and me myself had put on myself had been misplaced...
.(if u undersand wat Im trying to say la...hahaha) 

Huhuhu...I guess I should stop now...

Need to get back on my assignment which had not made any progress frm yesterday.,

Shoot me pliss.....

Waiting

  

Silent
Waiting for the phone to ring
But maybe someone’s on the other end
Just waiting for you to call them
You say I’ll wait just one more minute
But the phone it just won’t ring
And your thoughts return to the question
Is someone on the other end?
Do they want to talk to you today,
Are they waiting?
But the phone it just won’t ring
So you say I’ll wait just one more minute
But the anxiety runs way too deep
So you walk away for today
I guess they didn’t want to call you
But I know better
I know there’s someone on the other end
Waiting for you to call them
But instead the phone rings somewhere else

“Yes, that’s right I don’t have any plans.”

I sit here now waiting for a call that might never come.
Maybe Im just lying to myself and its all just in my head.
Wasn't there a promise we would contact each other?
Being a realistic person i should know better that romance is dead in the world right?
Yet i'm a hopeless romantic who rather wait than make the first call.
Oh well, back to busying myself....

Waiting for phone calls sucks...

Might as well b the one to call rather than ended up death...
but still I wanted to wait more...
*sigh*...

Facts...that I can't deny & the thought that relief me....

Yes..surely..undoubtly...definitely..convincingly...absolutely
I had no problem in admitting that I'm weird..(as people used to told me)
tho I'm not sure on what basis they judge me.....


but for myself I dont think there r any difference in my appearance..except that I'm pretty plump..huhu
maybe it's in the act..(#*_*#)
I really like to do weird stuff & not to mention having weird thought..
(Im not pervert tho...haha)...its just plain that I hate to do something out of the norm
so if that include me into the weirdo group...
just be it...


really... I found  that it amuse them to use it as an issues to tease me
yepp..I dont mind but... pretty much .... but if u keep being tease again & again....
its kinda vexing.... & normally I'll start puting up fuss...
either Il'l counter back mildly  or just keep quiet & leave..
its fight or flight u see...(^.^) >...(rooaarr..Im living the savage life..haaha)
actually it does'nt even worth to start a fight with

so most of the time I let them amuse themselves more...

-inner thought : watever guys...keep it coming...be my guess..entertain urself coz I dont give a damn.

           haha....you laugh b'coz I'm different, I laugh b'coz you're all the same..its fair

Whoever say that the world was unfair....yeaa..it did la in some sort...huhu

But surely all this people who like to tease would never know that as they amuse themselves teasing others ..

me too... took the pleasure amusing myself laughing on their typical self...sometimes

ain't that fair enough...

but of coz I don't let them noe bout it...coz it wont be fun anymore after that..

I don't see any wrong in being difference..

& honestly I really did laugh when I see that everyone is the same

if you look at the world a& all the people from a different perspective..

its kinda of humorous but not in hilarious way ..maybe..ahahaha

Ok..now ..I did think my word mark that Im really am weird..

hahahah..no longer noe wat Im saying.

still beyond any shadow of doubt I firmly thought that...
U laugh bcoz I'm different, I laugh bcoz u're all the same..(^_^)v

The day I turn 22.......on 2nd Hari Raya....

On the 21st September 2009, I had to remove the "1" digit and replace it with "2" from the back of my age description in applications form..

I'm definitely in a hate love mood when it comes to my age...

I love the fact that i'm maturing gracefully (i sound like i'm 50 plus) and is anticipating for the next one to come...(at 22 I'm old enough to legally go clubbing! Yeah!!...but pity I didnt do clubbing..haha)

But i hate the fact that as i get older, people always expects me to act a certain way...

e.g: "ehh? How old are you now? Still play with the younger children ?"
"oii! Big baby! don't keep playing be more serious...."
"Are you suppose to act like this with them at this age?"

(-_-!!!) Get what i mean? Just because i'm past the ten-ish age I'm suppose to act like a middle age man? sigh.... The family is so traditional... but they are family. (What to do?)

The family isn't really big on the B'Day thing once u reach the age 10. To them, the day of your birth is just another day or if they want to celebrate it they will throw a big eat out and inform everyone weeks before the actually date.

In my family wishing each other B'day will sparks awkwardness....haha

Even my mum also had an awkward moment wishing me on my B'day, she went like, " Oh!*with a look of surprise* Almost forgot to wish you Happy Birthday..." (lame right? but at least she put effort in it and tried).

So almost like any other year..my B'day was once again forgotten..haha..realy..but I dont mind..

Normally the occasion would be I'm the one buying the cake & my family will ask whose B'day was it?

...A little dissapointed i answered,"err.. mine?". They looked at me with that looked as if they just saw superman flew past and scolded me somemore, "Eh! why never tell me earlier? I didn't know la".

(Didn't remember still scold me T-T)  

The one's that actually remembered made me even more disappointed...

"See at least *Nisfu (younger sister) who remembered* know when is my birthday..."

She replied, "actually I also forgotten one, just saw in ur friendster screen at the last minute".  

*A dagger stab me in the heart*

But still I had few good memory on my B'day celebration like the one when a bunch of friends try to assemble 12 pieces of cakes into one cakes in Secret Recipe's, ambushing me at my house when I skip school on my Bday & that time when my family & an uncle neighbour arrange surprise party at the Taa'bas Village (Middle east restaurant) that nearly make me faint with embarrassment as the waitress came in singing & holding the cake.

* I dun like to be centre of attention..u see..hehe..(myself being an anti-social old hag (0.o)..)

also all the beautiful memories of B'day party from when I was small..

& simply all the wonderful memories through thick & thin since the day my mom brought me into this world..

I don't care if people forget bout my B'day as long they hold my existence close to their hearts..

for I meant to be something to them ( dear one ) as they had been to me

*ceh....blushing (^.^)/ ...getting bashful..

Owwhh...like all the people who forgot my B'day which had been overshadow by Hari Raya..

I also almost forgot to wish everyone hepi hari raye..

maap zahir batin..atas segala kesalahan, makan n minum, n sume ter2 tuh...

kita buka buku baru eh..0-0...

Another year older & hope to be more wiser..

In forgiving and forgetting...(which I always do)..huhu

Not to worry..its just another coccon phase b4 one can fly high..huhu!!

Sms..

Heyy..stubborn girl!! I dont like it when u r putting on dat kind of face. Do tell me if you got problem.
Dont pretend u r happy and such..u r only eating urself...& I wont allow that..I noe u always act high
& mighty although u r crumbling down inside..it's no use forcing you to talk..sighh..but if u ever need
sum1 do reach me ASAP ..luv ya

Conversation...

Diba..kenape ko macam lain je lately...?!!..Mmg la dasarnye sama tp pelik la..pokoknyer ko mmg pelik
dr biase...double extra ordinary pelik...

Ym....

Dear!! Are u ok? Whats up with all that weird shout out?! Wanna tell me something? Come on..cry it
out & let me be ur comfort even if u refuse to say a word..

Hahaha..am I that different? How can they tell? Well, I have been receiving this kind of treatment lately.

Pliss...pliss...dont worry over me..Im doing fine..really.. (^o^)v...However, I really appreciate all d support

ok?!!...I think if all d support I receive came in term of money..I'll be rich by now..hehehe

Thanks a million lot & just let me be...I 'll make it my own way no matter how hard things could get...

This is a tribute to all my friend ;

"A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared; he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.Then it seemed to stop making any progress.It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no further.

Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shrivelled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with swollen body and shrivelled wings.

It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand that the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were the nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon."

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.If nature allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us.

We would not be as strong as what we could have been.

You have stumbled and fall before.Now its time to fly.
With beautiful and charming wings, that's what you are.

 

Fly high, fly with style.
Be a butterfly roaming the sky.
 

My blog is mouldy..

I can see mushroom sprouting.....

Hellish weekend....but a fruitful one....in the end

It seems like ages since the last time I put up a post..

Reason being...Im pretty tight up lately..very..

..might as well choke myself off..

Huhuhu...and now Im back again..

*applaud*

Its been a hellish weekend for me..

in fact it's been a hellish month

...that Ive gone throuh...

...yeahh...

things were very rough around me..

&so is so..I go through just fine..

...you noe...

I'm used to stand up firm...

even at the limit of breaking down..

that might be the most proper thing bout me..

but still this weekend..it become fruitful

although very tiring..

still at the end everyone was happy..

that's what matter to me..

Im talking about kueh raya preparation here..

that had much more significant meaning behind it..

as for me if not for you..

Tart nenas is not just a simple tart..

Sweet & sour just like the taste of life..

Biskut sampan might be colourful..

as such the colour of life..

It's black, it's green, it's red n yellow..

Kuih siput n kacang goreng..

although looks brown,simple n crunchy..

who knows how hard can the preparation be..

believe me..

(I've got blister on one of my finger sbb kupas kacang)