The day I turn 22.......on 2nd Hari Raya....

On the 21st September 2009, I had to remove the "1" digit and replace it with "2" from the back of my age description in applications form..

I'm definitely in a hate love mood when it comes to my age...

I love the fact that i'm maturing gracefully (i sound like i'm 50 plus) and is anticipating for the next one to come...(at 22 I'm old enough to legally go clubbing! Yeah!!...but pity I didnt do clubbing..haha)

But i hate the fact that as i get older, people always expects me to act a certain way...

e.g: "ehh? How old are you now? Still play with the younger children ?"
"oii! Big baby! don't keep playing be more serious...."
"Are you suppose to act like this with them at this age?"

(-_-!!!) Get what i mean? Just because i'm past the ten-ish age I'm suppose to act like a middle age man? sigh.... The family is so traditional... but they are family. (What to do?)

The family isn't really big on the B'Day thing once u reach the age 10. To them, the day of your birth is just another day or if they want to celebrate it they will throw a big eat out and inform everyone weeks before the actually date.

In my family wishing each other B'day will sparks awkwardness....haha

Even my mum also had an awkward moment wishing me on my B'day, she went like, " Oh!*with a look of surprise* Almost forgot to wish you Happy Birthday..." (lame right? but at least she put effort in it and tried).

So almost like any other year..my B'day was once again forgotten..haha..realy..but I dont mind..

Normally the occasion would be I'm the one buying the cake & my family will ask whose B'day was it?

...A little dissapointed i answered,"err.. mine?". They looked at me with that looked as if they just saw superman flew past and scolded me somemore, "Eh! why never tell me earlier? I didn't know la".

(Didn't remember still scold me T-T)  

The one's that actually remembered made me even more disappointed...

"See at least *Nisfu (younger sister) who remembered* know when is my birthday..."

She replied, "actually I also forgotten one, just saw in ur friendster screen at the last minute".  

*A dagger stab me in the heart*

But still I had few good memory on my B'day celebration like the one when a bunch of friends try to assemble 12 pieces of cakes into one cakes in Secret Recipe's, ambushing me at my house when I skip school on my Bday & that time when my family & an uncle neighbour arrange surprise party at the Taa'bas Village (Middle east restaurant) that nearly make me faint with embarrassment as the waitress came in singing & holding the cake.

* I dun like to be centre of attention..u see..hehe..(myself being an anti-social old hag (0.o)..)

also all the beautiful memories of B'day party from when I was small..

& simply all the wonderful memories through thick & thin since the day my mom brought me into this world..

I don't care if people forget bout my B'day as long they hold my existence close to their hearts..

for I meant to be something to them ( dear one ) as they had been to me

*ceh....blushing (^.^)/ ...getting bashful..

Owwhh...like all the people who forgot my B'day which had been overshadow by Hari Raya..

I also almost forgot to wish everyone hepi hari raye..

maap zahir batin..atas segala kesalahan, makan n minum, n sume ter2 tuh...

kita buka buku baru eh..0-0...

Another year older & hope to be more wiser..

In forgiving and forgetting...(which I always do)..huhu

Not to worry..its just another coccon phase b4 one can fly high..huhu!!

Sms..

Heyy..stubborn girl!! I dont like it when u r putting on dat kind of face. Do tell me if you got problem.
Dont pretend u r happy and such..u r only eating urself...& I wont allow that..I noe u always act high
& mighty although u r crumbling down inside..it's no use forcing you to talk..sighh..but if u ever need
sum1 do reach me ASAP ..luv ya

Conversation...

Diba..kenape ko macam lain je lately...?!!..Mmg la dasarnye sama tp pelik la..pokoknyer ko mmg pelik
dr biase...double extra ordinary pelik...

Ym....

Dear!! Are u ok? Whats up with all that weird shout out?! Wanna tell me something? Come on..cry it
out & let me be ur comfort even if u refuse to say a word..

Hahaha..am I that different? How can they tell? Well, I have been receiving this kind of treatment lately.

Pliss...pliss...dont worry over me..Im doing fine..really.. (^o^)v...However, I really appreciate all d support

ok?!!...I think if all d support I receive came in term of money..I'll be rich by now..hehehe

Thanks a million lot & just let me be...I 'll make it my own way no matter how hard things could get...

This is a tribute to all my friend ;

"A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared; he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.Then it seemed to stop making any progress.It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no further.

Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shrivelled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with swollen body and shrivelled wings.

It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand that the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were the nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon."

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.If nature allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us.

We would not be as strong as what we could have been.

You have stumbled and fall before.Now its time to fly.
With beautiful and charming wings, that's what you are.

 

Fly high, fly with style.
Be a butterfly roaming the sky.
 

My blog is mouldy..

I can see mushroom sprouting.....

Hellish weekend....but a fruitful one....in the end

It seems like ages since the last time I put up a post..

Reason being...Im pretty tight up lately..very..

..might as well choke myself off..

Huhuhu...and now Im back again..

*applaud*

Its been a hellish weekend for me..

in fact it's been a hellish month

...that Ive gone throuh...

...yeahh...

things were very rough around me..

&so is so..I go through just fine..

...you noe...

I'm used to stand up firm...

even at the limit of breaking down..

that might be the most proper thing bout me..

but still this weekend..it become fruitful

although very tiring..

still at the end everyone was happy..

that's what matter to me..

Im talking about kueh raya preparation here..

that had much more significant meaning behind it..

as for me if not for you..

Tart nenas is not just a simple tart..

Sweet & sour just like the taste of life..

Biskut sampan might be colourful..

as such the colour of life..

It's black, it's green, it's red n yellow..

Kuih siput n kacang goreng..

although looks brown,simple n crunchy..

who knows how hard can the preparation be..

believe me..

(I've got blister on one of my finger sbb kupas kacang)

Crazziness..urgently need professional help!!

I’m so not in the mood today. I don’t know what’s wrong but the day starts off beautifully… at least..I think so. Nice weather, waking up early, delicious breakfast, roll back into bed, wake up late in the afternoon, take bath, watch tv, streaming the internet without any particular motif. Its been the same routine for almost 3 weeks, well of course in between that I have my day out.

I guess I’m just bored and my semester break plan ended up in total mess. Lucky, the semester break had almost end. I’m gonna drive myself crazy if my life continue like this. Well, I can’t blame anyone either and it looks like somehow it is my fault. I quit my job just for the sake that I’m not happy with it. Well, they may call I’m stupid but somehow I don’t see any wrong in that. It’s me whose been working out my butt!! So I have every right to decide on what to do…whether to go forward or pulling it off. Why did you want to keep on working on something that turn you miserable? Sigh….why did everyone keep getting in my way……

I wanna take on other job after resigning but then say hi to another setback. I can’t or may I say I’m being indirectly force not to take other job… and so that’s why I’m spending my semester break like an old hag. This drawback kinda life had finally taking a toll on me. Gosh…what’s wrong with me?

I guess I’m not just bored but I’m frustrated as well. But, of what?

Frustration do not lingered only just for one time insignificant annoyance. Inversely it is being drag and build up through all the accumulated miff you had experience all your life.

It might sound like repentance but it doesn’t mean that I’m regretting my life. No, I had a good life. It’s just that I had a few regrets. Sometimes I can’t help pondering how things can be now if I’ve done everything my way, my wish. Why did I have to satisfy everyone? Why did I always held back?

I guess now it’s not just cause by boredom , and not just frustrated either but I’m sick of listening to others. I’m sick of hearing the word..don’t do that, do this instead….no, that’s wrong ..u should be..or whatever it is. Soon, after taking up this advice from this self-proclaim altruists we gonna realize that what we had expect at the age o 19 might not turn out the way they claim it should be when we reached 29. Only then you realize that you already stuck in this sticky situation.

What is there about this altruism thing..? Am I turning out to be one? Hope not. Gosh…and I guess they won’t tell the same thing if it’s their life which is at stake. And now when I’m almost entangled by listening to them and I wonder how on earth would they react if they know? Applauding? The words still ring freshly and now I can hear the applaud loudly…

Shoot me…my ears hurting…can’t stand the sound anymore….

I’m getting crazier day by day…atypical depression...juz dun ask why..??!! The symptom is there - excessive mood positivity, weight gain, increased in appetite, hypersomnia, sensation of heaviness in limbs (lazy)...haha..juz waiting for social impairment to occur..sigh......

Need to lead more purposeful life in future than maybe I’ll be happier…